Breaking Free from the Weight of “Should”

Do you ever feel like your life is ruled by endless" shoulds" and "shouldn’ts"? I should go to work. I shouldn’t eat that dessert. I should clean the house. I shouldn’t spend money on that. When life feels like a series of obligations, it can become exhausting and demoralizing. This feeling is often driven by psychological reactance—a natural resistance we feel when our freedom seems restricted. The more we feel forced to do something, the more we resist it, even if it’s ultimately good for us. This can create a cycle of frustration, procrastination, and resentment toward the very things that are meant to benefit us.

The Mindset Shift: From “Have To” to “Choose To”

What if you didn’t have to do anything? What if, instead, you recognized that everything you do is a choice—a reflection of your values?

Take work, for example. You might say, “I have to be on time, or I’ll get fired.” But in reality, you don’t have to go to work. You could choose to stay home—but that would come with consequences you don’t want, like losing your job. So, in truth, you want to go to work because you value financial security, stability, or career growth.

Or consider parenting. You might think, “I have to wake up early and take care of my kids, even when I’m exhausted.” But no one is forcing you. If you didn’t value being a responsible and loving parent, you wouldn’t prioritize their needs. The reality is, you choose to care for them because they matter to you.

Even something as simple as exercise can feel like a should. “I have to work out to stay healthy.” But no one is making you go to the gym. You choose to exercise because you value your health, energy, and longevity.

Reclaiming Your Power

By shifting your mindset from “I have to” to “I choose to”, you take back control. Your daily tasks are no longer burdensome obligations but meaningful choices. This doesn’t mean everything suddenly becomes fun, but it does mean you’re no longer a passive victim of your schedule. Instead, you’re an active participant in a life built around your values. So, next time you catch yourself saying “should” or "shouldn't", pause. Ask yourself: Why am I making this choice? What value does this reflect? You might find that your life isn’t full of shoulds after all—it’s full of purpose.

Breaking Free from the Weight of “Should”